What does being a mother mean?
I suppose it is something different to everyone but, to me, it is a gift. A gift I unknowingly took for granted for a LONG time.
Honestly, some days it feels like a job. A job with long hours, needy bosses, messy work spaces, no lunch break, and little recognition. I mean, seriously, living and ‘working’ in the same building can be suffocating sometimes.
My biggest hang up is that is what I focused on while Christopher was alive. I was the mom that when I was asked, “how are you?”My response was always:
“I’m so tired”
… and I was.
I was the mom with the infant that would rather have been up with me at 1 AM than asleep. My dream vacation would have been a week alone on a beach with a book…and cake.
I was the mother that was battling a painful illness and I focused more on the moments of discomfort than of the moments that gave my life purpose. I lived life in the future:
“As soon as my surgery takes the pain away, everything will be better.”
“As soon as Christopher sleeps through the night, I’ll feel better.”
“When _________ happens, I’ll be happy.”
I was the mom that was blessed for the opportunity to stay home with my babies but would look for a way to go back to work. For a purpose.
I was the mother that went to bed every night knowing even if today wasn’t a good day, I’d get tomorrow to try again.
Until one day I didn’t….
And let me tell you, I wish every day I did get to try again. I wish with all of my heart that I could take back the moments where I didn’t appreciate everything about my crazy life.
But I can’t.
Even now, I’m not perfect. I still get upset with my boys. I find myself feeling tired. Overwhelmed. Did I say tired?
Motherhood is one of life’s greatest challenges…and yet, it is every bit the best, greatest, most amazing ‘job’ I will ever have. I am beyond thankful to have been given the title of Mom.
To you, Mama, remember this is just a temporary time in your life… a temporary tired. They will get big…and you will look back and wish they wanted to hang out with you in the middle of the night. You will look back and see that the greatest job you ever had was being a mama… their mom.